Jon was still shaking when Linuial wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, handed him a cup of hot chocolate.
Wordlessly, she put an arm around his shoulders.
He stared down at the cup without tasting it. "I'm sorry, Lin, I'm so sorry....but I just couldn't think of anything else to do. I just couldn't...." He tried to swallow a sob.
"I'm glad you did call, Jon." She watched his face carefully. "It's all right."
"....but I woke you up in the middle of the night, dragged you out of bed...."
She smiled, sadly. "It's okay, Jon, really it is. I would rather that you had called me."
"I know, Jon." She reached up, brushed at his hair with her fingers.
"I'm afraid Quake's been killed."
"Well....you were right that you have to wait until morning to search any further. We just have to wait and see."
"....but it's more than that." The trembling began anew.
"I'm afraid it wasn't a nightmare." He closed his eye, sobbed. "I'm afraid it's a memory, that it really happened."
She paused before speaking. "That is a possibility, Jon. If so, you'll have to learn to live with it. But it must have happened a long time ago, if it is a memory from your past."
"Yeah, I guess...." He didn't sound convinced.
"Do you have any idea who Sam was?"
He shook his head, looking stricken. "No, I don't....and that may be the worst part of all."
"Well....it occurs to me that you've never mentioned the name Sam before. Perhaps that will give you another lead in your search."
"Lin....I don't think I *want* to find out what happened to me. Not if it's going to be like this...."
"We'll see." She cupped a hand around his own, gently guided the cup upwards toward his lips. "That is always an option, Jon. No one says that you have to follow through on this. You either do it because you want to....or you don't do it. It's that simple."
"Besides....you've been having nightmares for months, ever since you came off the streets. The fact that you remembered one of them may be a good sign. It may mean that something inside of you is healing....that you can cope with your past better than you could up until now."
He shuddered. "I think I might be better off not knowing."
"We'll just have to wait and see. For now, about all you can do is try to get some rest, and we'll do some serious investigation in the morning. I'll call Chris and Blood....we'll see what they can find out from that alley, and we'll check with Quake's contact, and with the police." She smiled at him. "You have friends, Jon, you aren't alone in this. We will do whatever we can to help you."
"I don't think I can sleep again....and I don't want to, either."
"Then just lie down and rest." She got up, took the cup, put it on the nightstand beside the glass he had left there earlier. "Scooch over...." she directed, rearranging the bedcovers.
"I'm just going to lie here and put my arms around you. Nothing more. And I want you to try to rest. Will you do that for me?"
"Okay...." he said reluctantly.
Copyright terraforming.com, November 26, 2012